Hei Matau
by squidion
Summary: Stefan reminiscences a great tragedy in his life where the only times of comfort for him was taking refuge in Caroline's arms, without Elena. [ONESHOT - Steroline/Stelena]


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters used in this fanfiction, nor do I own the '_What is a soulmate?_' quote as it is taken from the show, _Dawson's Creek_. Only the plot is mine.

Thank you to sirwharf for beta-proofing.

**Hei Matau**

**1**

'Stefan, what's a soulmate?'

It was a Friday morning. Elias looked up at his godfather with his big doe eyes whilst crossed legged on the carpeted floor as he played with his two nutcracker figurines that he held one on each hand.

'Now, where did you hear that, Elias?' Stefan asked curiously as he lifts a corner of his mouth.

He was lying sideways on the floor next to his seven year old godson, facing him; his elbow placed on the floor whilst his head rested on his own shoulder.

They were both in the living room. The place was brightly lit by the sunlight seeping through the windows just right above them on the navy blue wall. An unlit fireplace stood opposite their heads, with picture frames perched on top of it. Behind theirbacks was thebeige couch known for being the home of Elias' lost toys.

Anyone would say this could be a typical living room of a family's house, but it's never going to be any less of a 'home.'

The boy quickly looked down at his toys as if he was guilty of ever hearing of such a word. He placed the red and blue nutcrackers facing each other; their wooden feet touching the floor as he finally answered, 'just curious...'

'Who's Curious? Is he a new friend of yours?' Stefan smiled as he said it, stifling a chuckle at his own joke. Elias giggled, anyway, and it made Stefan grin, displaying his white canines.

The boy didn't persist the question but it made Stefan think. How would he describe a soulmate? In his perspective, or in the worlds' best definition? He lifted his head upwards towards the ceiling, his view consisting of a hanging yellow lamp.

'Well...' He started. 'It's like a best friend.'

He moved his gaze towards his godson again who didn't take his eyes off of the figurines. But Stefan thought-no, he knew his godson well enough to know if Elias wasn't listening. So, he continued...

'It's like a best friend but more.'

'Elena!' Stefan tried not to panic, but his control over his voice was failing him. He could tell he was already screaming. 'Elena, wake up!'

The girl he was calling out laid on a concrete ground; her face pale, lips purple and eyelids shut close.

Stefan's hands cupped her cold cheeks as his yells echoed through the empty bridge. He told himself to calm down, to forget about switching it off, and to remember she was going to be okay.

A split second passed before Stefan decided to use his blood.

His hands started to shake.

His emotions rivalled inside his chest; relief and panic battling.

Immediately, he pushed his canines outwards, hurting him for less than a split second, before digging them into his own wrist. Blood squirted out as he bit and quickly brought it up to Elena's mouth whilst his other hand pushed the girl off the ground to move her head onto his lap.

'Elena, stay with me. Elena... Take it... Take my blood,' he said in a soothing voice.

He moved his bitten hand to adjust their position, shaking Elena's head in the process. Stefan's blood poured back out of her mouth.

Frustrated, he carefully laid her back on the ground. His hands placed themselves on the girl's chest as he put pressure on it couple of times. He then moved onto the traditional mouth to mouth procedure, blowing into her mouth with all his might.

All his efforts failed after repeating the process thrice, checking time to time if her chest moved. His breath fastened. The more he was going to prolong this, the lesser time Elena was going to get better. He wasn't ready to pay the cost for the worst. If he was going to fight for Elena, he'd need to have the strength to run with her in his arms to the nearest hospital.

He's a Vampire. Of course he did.

The voices of angry and depressed people everywhere made Stefan feel more depressed than he already was. He was panicking inside, thinking of things he shouldn't be thinking.

Elena was only human. She was frail, and yet, the universe somehow pointed all the trouble towards her. Turning her into a vampire was the last decision he'd make, as respect for her wishes to stay human at that moment.

All these thoughts and emotions were battling just as it was before and he felt like he'll go on a Ripper spree in this building of dying people if he goes out of control. He eventually decided to inform their friends to get his mind off the negativity, quickly searchingfor his phone in his pocket.

Scrolling through his contacts seemed like forever but he thanked the spirits his best friend's name didn't start with a Z. When the name finally appeared on his screen, he tapped on the green button.

It dialed for a few seconds before the receiver answered.

'Stefan, are you okay? What happened? I've been calling you for an hour!'

The sound of her husky voice already calmed half of his emotions down. He exhaled loudly as he pinched his nose bridge, scrunching his eyes.

'Care... I'm at the hospital.'

'What!? Why!? Where is Elena!? Is she okay!?'

He hoped that she'd calm down, as he can't answer those questions himself.

'Come here, and I'll explain everything to you,' he replied. 'Jeremy's already on his way.'

Noises of the car keys emitted in the background from Caroline's side of the phone. 'Okay, I'm on my way,' she replied before hanging up.

Stefan spent twenty minutes with his face in his hands as his elbows pierced through his knees while he sat on a bench. The bustling voices of people and loud typing behind counters to accompany his senses.

Suddenly, the sound of high heels added to the noise coming towards him. He quickly looked up to find his best friend standing in worry.

'Hey, what's going—'

He cut Caroline off with a strong embrace.

'Stefan…' A hand grazed his hair, and another locked the embrace. 'It's going to be okay…'

'I know… I just… It's been an hour... She drowned. Rebekah, she… It's all my fault,' Stefan buried his face into her shoulder. All of Stefan's worry seemed to have faded away as he said it, except for the stinging pain in his chest that he couldn't let go of.

'Shh… shh…' Caroline whispered as she placed her chin on Stefan's other shoulder. He could already hear her sniffling before he felt the teardrops started falling onto his shirt. 'It's going to be okay… She always gets through this.'

'It's been an hour, Caroline. She's not waking up…'

'Have you tried healing her with your blood?' Caroline asked between her sobbing.

'No… No, she wouldn't swallow.'

They stayed in place for a couple more seconds, confiding their sorrows of the tragedy with each other. 'We need to let Bonnie know about this…' Stefan said when he finally let go.

He got a look of Caroline's wet red eyes. In them, he could read the pain that he was feeling. Caroline's best friend is locked inside an emergency room, not knowing what's going inside and what they're preparing for.

'I-I'll let her know. Elena will be fine! Why am I crying?' Caroline tried to giggle in the midst of the aftermath of the accident. She wiped her own tears with her hands. 'The doctors know what to do… It's going to be okay.'

'We'll tell him after the doctor reports Jeremy on her condition. You call Bonnie, and I'll call Damon. Matt, too…' He said, sitting back down on the bench. Caroline took a seat next to him. Both their phones were on their ears when Caroline placed a hand on his free hand resting on his knee. She gripped onto it, making Stefan look at her. Then she smiled… ever so sincerely.

It was the Caroline smile. The smile that never needed words to say what she meant.

Hope.

'What do you mean by 'more', Stefan?' Elias questioned. His voice so innocent that Stefan wished he'd always stay this way.

Stefan looked up in thought. 'It's the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. That someone who makes you a better person.'

Elias let go off his figurines to look at his godfather, indulged. 'Like, if you were in a bad situation, they'll help you get over it?'

'Yes, Elias,' Stefan smiled as he nodded. 'Something like that.'

Silence. Elias was already back to his figurines once again, enjoying the fake conversations his nutcrackers were having, while waiting for more, until Stefan suddenly looked at him to correct himself.

'Actually, no, they don't make you a better person.'

'What do they make you?' Elias didn't look away from his nutcrackers.

'You do that by yourself… because they inspire you to do so.'

_Stefan had received a call a week after Elena had been rushed into the emergency room. It was Jeremy. During the phone call, he was told that there was something he needed to know, and if it was possible to come see him._

_It took him around half an hour after he got the call. When he arrived, at the house, he rang the doorbell without haste. It took around a few seconds before Jeremy opened the door, his face was pale and he looked more miserable than ever._

_Stefan immediately walked inside the house when Jeremy let him._

'_What's up, Jeremy? What happened?' He asked._

_Jeremy looked like he was about to breakdown and it made Stefan pull him into a tight embrace. 'What is it, Jeremy?'_

_Jeremy let go off his hold. He couldn't even look at Stefan in the eyes, so Stefan patiently waited the news about Elena._

'_She… I don't know. The doctor told me that there was nothing they can do and…' Jeremy shook his head, his fists tight. Stefan was dreading whatever what was going to come out of the boy's mouth. 'We can keep her on life support but I don't know if it's going to help her much and…'_

'_No, Jeremy. It's going to be okay. She _will_ wake up.'_

'_She's dead, Stefan! We can wait for as long as we can, but… I don't… I don't know. I can't lose my only family left, Stefan—I-I…' Jeremy's tears finally poured of his eyes. Stefan pulled him into another embrace, cradling the boy in his arms as he tried to hold his own tears. He felt so sorry for him, but he couldn't stand the fact that Elena was really dead. She was only asleep._

'_It's going to be okay… We'll find a way… We always find a way. Don't we, Jeremy? We'll use my blood. We'll inject my blood into her system. Please…'_

'_No!'_

'_What?'_

'_No, we can't. I can't. Elena, she… told me to pledge that…' Jeremy was sobbing._

'_Shh… what is it?'_

'_I can't give her vampire blood… she doesn't want it… It's all my fault. I should've… I should've given her the ring when I could've.'_

'_Please, stop…' Stefan couldn't hold back his tears anymore. 'It's not your fault. Everything's going to be fine.'_

_They both held onto each other for a few minutes with Jeremy sobbing into Stefan's shoulder until Damon walked into the house. _

_Damon knew exactly what was going on when Stefan looked him in the eyes with his despair._

**2**

The sun was bright. Even though the heat didn't hurt any of them, he still felt the touch of the sun's warmth. It was a day after Caroline had given him the talk next to a woman's corpse.

The two were at the Mystic Grill, sitting on one of the tables outside. A great amount of people were in today and Stefan wasn't really surprised since it was six in the morning and everyone wanted breakfast they didn't have to prepare themselves.

Secretly, Stefan wished that he had some human blood on his plate, but disappointingly, they didn't serve that in Mystic Grill.

'So, Stefan… What should we have today?' Caroline said, not really speaking to Stefan, but to herself. A menu was in her hands. Stefan looked at her and realized how beautiful she was under the sun. He meant, Caroline was always pretty, but never this beautiful. It was probably the shampoo that she used.

'Rabbit,' Stefan answered.

Caroline raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief that she was supposed to laugh. 'Something that isn't _raw_, Stefan.'

'If you're forcing me to eat with you, you should at least let me choose what I want to consume.'

'Right, not when you're still a human-killer vampire, I'm not.' Caroline had already looked back down at her menu.

Stefan chuckled, tongue-in-cheek. If he was going to be stuck with Caroline, he might as well just make the most of it.

'Matt!' Caroline squealed.

Stefan looked up to see his male friend in uniform. He looked bigger than he last saw him. Has it already been a while since they all saw each other at the hospital? Right. He was too busy killing people.

'Hey, Care. Stefan.' Matt smiled at the both of them, raising the notepad on his hand, ready to write. 'Fancy seeing you two here. Haven't seen Stefan in a while.'

'Is it?' Stefan replied sarcastically. He didn't know why he answered in that tone.

Matt furrowed his eyebrows at the tone of Stefan's voice. 'I'm sorry about Elena… It's been different since… Since she fell into a—'

'Matt, I don't think…' Caroline gestured her head towards Stefan's direction, alerting him that today wasn't the best time to mention it. But it didn't matter to Stefan, because he might as well agree that this was the truth.

'It's okay, Caroline. She's in a coma. There's nothing we can do…' Stefan said.

Matt's lips pouted, before Stefan sensed he wanted to change topic. 'Right, um… What can I get for you two?'

'An oatmeal for me, please,' Caroline happily answered. 'And water. For Stefan… he'll have some omelet, and also water.'

Stefan looked at her in disbelief. 'Thanks, Caroline, but I can order for myself.'

Caroline covered the other side of her mouth from Matt seeing. Then she whispered, 'That's for the lady who died in such a painful way the other night.'

Stefan chuckled in defeat. 'Whatever. You have it, Caroline.' He shook in his head.

Caroline looked at him with a smug face to portray her small victory. Stefan shrugged it off.

'Will that be all?' Matt asked.

'Yes. Thank you, Mr. Donovan.' Caroline showcased her perfectly white teeth at Matt before he smiled and walked away.

The crowd was starting to bother Stefan. The bustling people made it hard for him to forget about the burning desire to pick one of them for breakfast. He tried to focus his hearing onto Caroline from listening to the amount of fresh human blood that was pumping around him.

As reluctant as he was about this, he was happy Caroline kept him company in the midst of despair. And anyway, omelet wasn't so bad. Maybe a steak would be a good dessert.

Suddenly, a giggle emitted from his right. He turned to see Caroline laughing at him. Clueless, Stefan asked, 'What's up with you?'

'Just what is with that look?' Answered Caroline between giggles.

'What look?'

'Your serious... Stefan look.' Caroline finally calmed down.

'I have a serious Stefan look?' Stefan asked more seriously. He pushed his chin backwards towards his neck. Why was Caroline smiling too much? Was this normal, or did he just miss her all these months? He thought.

'Yes. You're doing it right now. What are you thinking about?' Yes. It _has_ been a while. He's been avoiding everyone for months, devouring every bit of his hunger into people he's never met before. The only place of escape he found to be reliable at that moment, where Elena couldn't be.

'Just thinking about omelets...' Stefan answered. 'And how beautiful my best friend is.'

Caroline grinned, her eyes curving into half-moons from the sudden compliment. 'I know I am.'

Stefan chuckled. 'Are you really going to ruin the moment?'

Caroline leaned forward on the table to rest her elbows, cross-armed. 'I missed you, too, Stefan Salvatore.'

A waiter walked towards their table to place a glass of water in front of Stefan. It wasn't Matt.

'So, why are we here again, Miss Forbes?' Stefan asked behind the waiter's arm. He was already gone when Caroline spoke.

Caroline grazed her fingers on top of the sugar packets on the center of the table. Stefan started to doubt that this was just a simple breakfast.

'We're here for your starters.' Caroline replied before she pursed her lips as she looked at him with eyes wide.

'Starters?'

'Starter meal. We're going to get onto hunting after this.'

Hunting? Humans...? He hoped, simultaneously wishing it wasn't true.

'Bunnies.'

'That wasn't on our agenda.' Stefan replied.

'That's why it's called a surprise agenda.'

'That doesn't even exist.'

'Quiet,' Caroline said sternly, her eyes squinting at him. 'Cooperate with me. I have a Mystic Ball to plan after this.' Stefan adjusted in his seat.

'So, why don't you just go ahead with it? I mean…' Stefan shrugged in suggestion.

'It's early in the morning and no one's willing to care about a ball at this time of day,' Caroline suddenly jumped in her seat surprising Stefan in the process. 'Be my date!'

'Date? With everything going on right now?'

'Stefan, we can't just sit around and grieve. Let me just… at least have one night of fun with my _lost_ best friend, okay?'

Stefan sighed deeply before nodding in agreement. 'Would you like to be my date to the Mystic Ball, an event that hasn't even been planned yet, Miss Forbes?'

'Yay!' Caroline clapped in glee.

As their meals and Caroline's strawberry milkshake were served by another waitress, Stefan reluctantly let time pass by. For two hundred years, he never actually enjoyed bunnies or squirrels. Sure, they were cute and hard to kill, but his humanity mattered more to him than his whole self to switch back to actual human blood. Unless… something was too tragic for him to handle.

But maybe becoming better wasn't so bad after all. With the omelet in his mouth, and Caroline by his side, he was willing to get stronger. Stefan's future wasn't so dark.

For now.

At the strike of ten AM, the once toy-filled living room emptied. Stefan and Elias had cleaned up all the boy's toys, excluding the ones hiding under the sofas. The two nutcrackers stood on top of the fireplace next to the various sized photo frames of a happy family.

'What are we going to do now, Stefan?' Elias asked when he waited on the threshold of the living room.

Stefan walked towards him then placed a hand on the little boy's shoulder. 'We… Are going to wash your mom's second car.'

The boy sulked. 'Can't we just drive to those car washing machines thing?'

'We can, but it's never really any fun than washing it yourself, I mean,' Stefan ruffled his godson's hair. 'Water fight?' He gave the boy a smug smile.

The sound of the two words brightened up Elias' face. The bliss in innocence, Stefan thought.

'Come on, before your mom comes home and finds out we've been up to trouble.'

Elias giggled, lifting his shoulders upwards and raising a finger to his mouth to say that he got the message.

They walked out to the garage together. Stefan started to miss the spacious feeling inside the Salvatore house, and he hoped that Damon was taking care of it well with his own family. But it was alright. The house he now owned was enough to keep him cozy.

The humidity of the garage greeted them as they entered. It was dim inside, and so Stefan walked over to the switch for the garage door, turning it on. The sun slightly blinded the two for a second when the door was halfway up.

'Elias, why don't you go and get the red bucket from the bathroom downstairs?' Stefan asked, on the way to one of the shelves to look for the car detergent.

'Sure thing!' Elias gleefully replied, already sprinting his way out. It made Stefan worry, all the thoughts in his mind telling him in Elias' mom's voice that he can never take care of his own godson alone.

So, he yelled, 'wait, be careful with it! Don't run!'

'Okay!' Elias yelled back from inside the house. Stefan made sure Elias listened using his super hearing for the slow footsteps inside the house then he nodded to himself at Elias's slowed pace.

Suddenly, an idea popped into Stefan's mind. If they were going to have a water fight eventually, Stefan might as well start it. He hid behind the car across the door where they entered earlier to cover himself. The hose was already on the floor by the wall next to him so he just grabbed it. Water squirted out of the hose when he turned the small wheel on the right side of the wall. He quickly turned it back off but left his hand in place until Elias would find him to turn it back on to squirt him with it.

Elias's footsteps started to get nearer, when he heard his voice.

'Stefan? Here it is…'

Stefan heard the bucket hit the floor.

'Stefan?' Elias called out. 'Stefan, I know where you are. I can see you.'

Stefan didn't care if Elias knew where he was hiding, as long as he doesn't know that there's a water fight waiting for him behind the car. The footsteps turned to the front of the car, and Stefan could faintly see his little head. He waited a little more for his godson to walk a bit further.

'You were never really good with hide 'n' seek—Ah!' Elias was standing right in front of him and Stefan quickly turned the hose on, wetting the boy in the chest. Elias flailed his arms around at the water, trying to cover his face.

'Who says we're playing hide 'n' seek?' Stefan chuckled.

'Hey! Not fair!' Elias giggled as the water was still blocking his view. 'I didn't know we'd started already!'

Stefan moved the hose away from the boy. Elias' hair was already drenched, his light green shirt now dark green, that he almost felt sorry playing on Stefan's own level. So, he decided to hand it over to him. 'Here, you pour the water into the bucket and I'll fill it with detergent.'

Elias hesitantly accepted it and let the hose pour the water into the bucket while he wiped his wet face with his free hand. Stefan blankly stared at the bucket with the detergent in his other hand.

And then, water splashed over his face along with the loud giggle of the seven year old boy. The hose was directed at him by Elias. Stefan had seen it coming, but he played along.

'Ahh!' Stefan playfully yelled, splashing the water around his arms. He placed the detergent on the floor before running away. Elias followed his aim with the hose, spraying water and making a mess around the garage. The water hit the shelves, and Stefan started to get worried that they'd get in more trouble than he'd expected. But he thought, who cares?

'You got me, you got me!' Stefan pretended to surrender, his arms raised above his head. 'You win, Elias.'

Elias aimed the hose away from his godfather, giggling more. The smile on his face made Stefan feel warm and fuzzy inside. Oh, the joys of seeing a child happy, he thought. 'I win, Stefan.' Elias announced, shooting a fist upwards.

Stefan waited for an opening before pouncing on Elias, grabbing him by the hips and carrying him on his shoulder. Elias squirmed in his godfather's hold with his head behind Stefan's back.

'Ahhh, Stefan, that's cheating!' He squealed.

'Nope! I'm an airplane, wooo!' Stefan ran around with Elias over his shoulder, both of them laughing inside the humid garage. They went on for a couple more seconds before Stefan placed his godson back down to advise the boy.

'Hey, as much as I'm having fun, we wouldn't want you to get sick,' Stefan said. 'Go get a quick shower, yeah?' He gave the boy a smile before ruffling his hair.

'Okay!' Elias agreed as he ran back inside the house. Since Stefan was a vampire, he couldn't get ill. He hated the stickiness, though, so he decided to just take off his wet shirt. When he placed it over one of the wet shelves, he heard a phone ring inside the house. It was his ringtone.

Using his super vampire strength, it took him about a second to get to the dining room where his phone laid, on the dining table. He smiled at the caller's name, but also hesitated on answering it, figuring out on what to say when she asks on what he and Elias had been doing all morning. Should he say that they went out to the Mall like she asked him to for Elias' school supplies, or should he just say the truth? He decided to figure it out once she asks.

'Hey,' Stefan answered.

'Hey, how are you guys doing?' She asked.

'Good… Good…'

'_Good_?'

'Yeah, we're… paying for all the school supplies…' Stefan paused to think of what to say next, 'Elias chose the blue backpack you wanted to buy him after all—'

'Don't lie to me. I can hear the shower running.'

Stefan facepalmed at himself. He was never really good at lying, just like his older brother. 'I… yeah, sorry. Elias is in the shower.'

'Stefan! What happened to agreeing on going out to the Mall with him for his school stuff? His school starts on _Monday_!'

Stefan wanted to chuckle at her angry voice, but he couldn't when he could imagine the look on her face. 'Yes, yes! We just had a little... fun in the garage.'

'Fun!? In the garage!?'

Again, Stefan facepalmed, but instead it was in his mind. He realized how stupid that sounded.

'I just cleaned the garage last week and I can't hire another cleaning service!'

'Yeah, I, uh… Sorry. I'll handle it, okay? Don't worry! He isn't my godson for nothing! Plus, Elias wanted to clean your car, so…' Stefan lied.

He heard the girl sigh from the other side. 'Thanks, anyway...'

'I'm going to keep it under control!' Stefan heard another voice from upstairs, his godson's voice, singing in the shower. The girl on the phone laughed with him. 'Do you hear that?'

'Yes, I do…' She giggled at the voice of her godson singing.

'He's going to become a singer just like his father.'

'And I am a proud mother.'

Stefan chuckled. 'Yeah, I'll see you in two hours, alright?'

'See you, Stefan.'

The girl was the first to hang up the call. Stefan waited for a couple more seconds before he went to the garage to start on the cleaning. The phone emitted a beep when he turned it off.

He stood there, leaning backwards on the dining table, just thinking. He thought about what Elias had asked him earlier, about what a soulmate was. The call reminded him of that. It made him reminisce of the times before, when Elias hasn't existed in the world yet. A soulmate… what difference does it have among the many other special relationships in the world?

'It's one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would.' He murmured under his breath.

'Stefan? Are you talking to yourself?'

Stefan quickly turned around in surprise. It was Elias, newly showered in his fresh new set of clothes: a wife-beater and a pair of orange knee-high shorts. Stefan was embarrassed, he never should've said it out loud.

'Elias! How long have you been standing there?'

'Long enough to hear you lie about us at the Mall…' Elias said. He didn't laugh. Stefan was relieved.

'Right. Wait for me in the garage, I'll bring the wiper for the car. We're in big trouble.' Stefan responded with his eyes wide and eyebrows lifted.

When Elias nodded, Stefan took his phone off the table again and looked at his recent calls to find the first name on it.

_Caroline._

**3**

The music soothed Stefan's ears in the midst of the smell of blood burning his nostrils.

At the Lockwood mansion, everyone was all dressed up. Most of the men wore black suits, others who cared too much had fancy colors. The ladies were in gowns. Some of them were hard to recognize, but he could already see Bonnie and Jeremy. Bonnie was in an orange gown, her hair all tied up to pair with a small orange hat on her head. Her make up looked just right for her. Matt was in a suit, similar to Stefan's.

He wondered where Damon was.

Bonnie turned her head to the right to find Stefan by the entrance, pulling Matt with her. Her eyes were widened at the sight of Stefan, she was almost sprinting across the crowd. When they close enough, Stefan greeted them, 'hey.'

'Stefan!' Bonnie squealed in surprised. 'Oh my god, you're back.'

Stefan smiled at her as he bowed.

'Stefan.' Jeremy greeted him with a bitter look on his face. 'What brings you here?'

Hatred. Jeremy hated him for leaving. 'I thought it was time to come back home.'

'You shouldn't have come back.' He responded sternly.

'Hey…' Bonnie murmured towards Jeremy, pulling him into a side hug. Bonnie looked at Stefan with a sympathetic smile, a message to him to understand Jeremy's situation. Stefan understood that completely; Jeremy was alone.

'It's good to see you, Jeremy…'

Jeremy said nothing and Stefan saw it coming. He had no intentions of hating the boy back. He only felt empathy.

'I'll see you later, Stefan. We'll catch up in a bit, okay?' Bonnie told him before dragging Jeremy off to the other side of the hall.

He decided to get himself a drink, where he spotted Damon.

'Hey, brother…' Damon greeted him with a glass of wine in his hand. 'Didn't expect you to come back already. Didn't expect you to even… attend.'

Stefan poured himself a drink. 'Hi, brother.'

'Looks like…' Damon pulled the other hand that was put inside his suit pocket and pointed with his finger towards Stefan's suit in a circle. 'Using Caroline's name on my messages was somehow magic that you finally came back.'

Stefan shoved his brother's hand away, Damon's face smug. It wasn't exactly true. He was obligated to come and apologize for leaving without even visiting for Elena once. So, he knew he deserved the lack of welcome.

'Listen, little brother,' Damon adjusted his posture, pulling his hand back. 'I never denied that it's affecting me, too. But seeing you happy is what Elena would want… It's what she'd want for everyone.' Damon looked at him with wide eyes. It was the Damon look for, "Shut up and listen to me."

Stefan found no need to argue, because what he said was true, only he didn't want to hear anymore as he felt he would flip the switch at the deep thought of Elena having no hope.

Damon shrugged, turning around to rest his elbows on the alcohol table behind him. 'Caroline will be so mad at you when she sees you.'

'I know.' Stefan replied without looking at Damon.

'Just saying.' Damon shrugged again. He turned around to probably look for a woman he was going to sleep with, Stefan guessed. He sighed. Typical Damon.

Stefan decided to just stand by the drinks. If Caroline wasn't here yet, there was a chance he'd see her here. He made sure that the necklace he got for Caroline was intact inside his jacket pocket. When he left Mystic Falls in guilt, he thought to himself what would've been a great way to give his best friend a gift when he eventually comes back, and this was it.

He greeted most of the people who passed by him, including Mrs. Lockwood, who wore a magenta gown and a crown. He commented, 'That's a nice color, Mrs. Lockwood,' who in turn curtsied and welcomed him back.

Ten minutes passed when his cup was emptied. At the same time, he noticed Sheriff Forbes by the entrance who surprisingly wasn't in a police uniform, but a tube gown and her hair straightened up. Was this the work of Caroline's? Suddenly, an image of Sheriff Forbes on the couch with Caroline's hands all over her hair appeared in his head. It was a funny thought.

And then… Caroline appeared. Previous thoughts quickly obliterated from his mind. Her tube gown was sky blue with an evident navy clothed flower stuck onto the side of her chest. Her hair was tied up into a bun and a pencil sized French braid rested right before her bands. Her face shone like the sun amongst the clouds of people. She was beautiful, and Stefan wondered why he never attended last year. He had been feeling an awful stomach ache as soon as he left her hanging. Why he even had the guts to do such a thing, right before leaving Mystic Falls, he'll never know.

Stefan immediately took a beeline towards her through the crowd. As he walked over, Caroline showcased her teeth at him. A smile that he missed terribly.

'Stefan.' Her voice made him smile.

'Caroline…' He said, bowing before her. 'You look beautiful as usual.'

Caroline quickly opened her arms to pull Stefan into an embrace which Stefan immediately accepted. Her arms tightened the hug more than he expected. Feelings of happiness, one he hasn't felt in a long while, rushed into his emotions. It was as if nothing wrong had ever happened.

'I missed you so much…' Caroline said, her chin piercing into Stefan's shoulder.

'I know, me too.' Stefan replied. When she let go, the brief moment of complete happiness started to fade. 'How have you been?'

'Good. It's a been a year, Stefan. That's like...' Caroline paused, her eyes directed upwards in thought. Mathematics. 'I don't know how many hours that would be but that's like, 365 days without my best friend.'

Stefan sighed. He didn't know what to say. He looked down and felt guilt inside his chest heightening even more than before.

'So, how have you been doing outside Mystic Falls?'

He had to think of an answer to that. The only reason he left was that he needed time to himself. The accident was hard on him, and he didn't think he was strong enough to handle that he felt so suffocated with everyone in the town he's always lived in towering over him, telling to be someone he had difficulties in fixing. But it wasn't that there were only bad things which made him leave for a while. There was Caroline, and Damon.

'I could've been better, I'll tell you that.' Stefan eventually answered. He could never lie to Caroline's face, but this was the shortest and the best sentence he could use to avoid any negative feeling now that he was here with her.

Caroline's sulked for a second, and right after, she put a hand on Stefan's cheek. 'I'm just glad you're back.'

'Me too.'

Stefan smiled. He raised his arm horizontally for her to hook her hand onto before she accepted.

They walked through the entrance hall and into the dance hall.

'So, what exactly have I missed that you, out of everyone in here, surprisingly came with no date?' Stefan asked as they walked.

'I managed the Ball. I guess I was too busy inviting everyone to the party that I couldn't exactly go out to see people.'

'Pity.' Stefan chuckled. He looked around every hall they passed by and decided to comment on the props and decorative lights that hung around certain furniture, 'The house looks beautiful, by the way.'

Caroline titled her head to the side at the compliment. 'Thanks. It was a pain to get the ribbons and flowers in the color I actually wanted but... I realized no one ever really notices them.'

'They should. The effort you put into them has always been more than enough.'

Surprisingly, Caroline didn't show him a sincere smile. It looked forced, but Stefan let it go.

As they walked on together, music grew louder and louder.

The Lockwood's living room, from what Stefan could remember, was now brighter. He thought it was the wall's color. But the chandelier stayed the same, hanging above them, shining brightly in gold.

The ballroom ex-living room was packed with couples. However, the center of the room was at least a bit more spacious than each sides of the walls, giving the two a little bit more space. Stefan has forgotten how he wasn't not used to crowds and people. It really has been a while.

At the middle wall across the hallway they walked through earlier, stood a giant silver statue of a wolf. It was new. The Lockwood has grown a lot more open, he guessed.

'That's new...' Stefan commented, eyeing the wolf. He noticed it was such a detailed sculpture. 'I could almost see its resemblance to Tyler.'

Caroline replied, a bit stern, 'They just put it up last month. Mrs. Lockwood thought it was an amazing motherly deed to be discreetly proud of his son's supernatural being.'

'Might as well put up a statue of fangs at my house. What else have I missed?' Stefan pulled Caroline by the hand, gesturing her for a dance. Caroline accepted it and followed after him.

They stood facing each other, Stefan's arm raised with Caroline's hand resting on top. Stefan bowed while Caroline curtsied. Then they engaged into the couple dance position and faded into the music.

Stefan waited for Caroline to reply, but nothing came out of her mouth. She didn't even look at him, and Stefan didn't know why.

'Is something wrong?'

'No, I just... let's just dance.' Caroline said. She pulled him closer to her body for a mini embrace as they danced. This weird sense of trouble bothered Stefan that he thought about handing her the present later.

Suddenly, Caroline let go of his hand as the other hand that was once placed on his back was pulled back behind her dress.

'I can't do this.' she said. Stefan tried to read her expression but out of everything he knew about Caroline, his mind was blank. He was already taken aback by the gesture and by the looks of the current situation, his confusion wasn't going to get any worse. So, he waited for Caroline to initiate the conversation. Her hands covered her face and groaned. 'Look, Stefan... I... I know what I told you earlier. I've been trying to hold in every anger and disappointment I had when I saw you and I tried my best to understand why the hell you left. But...' Caroline finally looked him in the eyes. They were angry. 'I can't. I'm mad at you, Stefan. You can't just come back without telling me and expect everything to be the same.'

And there, Caroline finally burst. Her voice grew louder by every word she said that a few pair of eyes started to look at their direction but Stefan knew he deserved this. He let her continue.

'I'm not sorry that I didn't like it when you left. I know you needed time, but I needed it, too. I needed my best friend to lean onto. I mean, you didn't bother texting me! Like, "Oh, hey, Caroline! Something came up in my brain that I just _have_ to leave! Don't bother calling me!" or, like, "Caroline, the view is great up here in the mountains of despair! How are you doing back at Mystic Falls?! Should I tell Nemo you said hi? How is Elena doing?"' Caroline paused to sigh. 'You didn't even bother coming to visit Elena.' Caroline's voice deepened when she mocked Stefan. Her eyebrows narrowed and her nose bridge was scrunched up. 'I can't even look at you right now.'

Expectedly, Caroline stomped out of the dance hall with her hands carrying the front of her dress, the sound of her heels echoing with every step she took. Stefan wanted to run after her, but he knew that it was better to leave her alone. Everything she told him was true. He was selfish and careless. What did he expect when he arrived, that everyone would truly welcome him, after he left without even saying a word? No. He was blind enough to think of such a thing. He thought that coming back for surprise would make a delight reaction.

He needed another drink. The nosiness of the people around him wasn't something he wanted to deal with.

As he walked away, he spotted Damon who stood in the crowd. Of course, his brother watched the whole thing. Stefan rolled his eyes at him.

'Good job,' Damon mouthed at Stefan.

Stefan just shrugged it off and walked past him. He'd probably stop if he needed enough help, but apologizing to Caroline was a big deal that he wanted to take care of his own.

When he finally got a sip of his juice, he fought the urge of his sudden bloodlust. He used the sourness of his drink as a distraction as he walked past the people and towards the entrance, where he'd exit while he waited for a couple more minutes before he'd go looking for his best friend.

The night was suddenly colder than earlier. He put his hand in his pocket, not because of the cold that didn't really affect him, but because of habit.

There were lesser cars than there were when he arrived. He guessed that this was probably all who were attending the ball. This gave him time to appreciate and think about how Caroline handled this all on her own. He didn't complain that even after the loneliness he was going through, he still had to fix what was going on between him and Caroline. No, he wanted to be better than that, because if Damon was here with him, he'd probably say, "I told you so." Which, mind you, bothered him, because during his stay in Sydney, all Damon told him was to at least write to these people. It didn't sound like Damon, but Stefan wasn't exactly the better brother either.

'Stefan?' He had hoped it was Caroline, but the voice would've been a lot deeper if it was her.

Stefan turned to see Matt standing behind him. He knew it sounded familiar. 'Matt.' He greeted. It felt good to see his now only human friend. He got buffer, and his hair was much shorter than before.

'Hey, man. It's been long...' Matt took a step forward to stand beside him. 'It's good to see you.' He side-hugged Stefan with a smile who side-hugged him back.

'It's good to see you, too.' Stefan gave him a sincere smile. It really was good to see him. Friendly, genuine, good ol' Matt who always seemed to avoid death in the midst of his supernatural friends.

'How have you been?' Matt asked.

'Well... I'm making progress, if that's what you're really asking.' Stefan shrugged at him.

'I know, it's tough... It's been different around here without Elena.'

'I guess everyone's just trying to figure out what to feel. She's alive, but she isn't.' Immediately, Stefan wanted to switch topic. He didn't want to repeat the barely-a-conversation with Bonnie and Jeremy, and so he asked, 'How have you been, Matt? Any... new love interest?'

The question made Matt chuckle. 'I don't think there is any at the moment. I basically work at an online dating site, except you have to be discreet about watching someone's face... with dirty dishes on your hand, and countless of orders to remember.'

Stefan chuckled after him. 'That's actually very true. There's Caroline, though. I mean, have you tried asking her for... help in those fields?'

Matt shook his head. 'Nah, you know me. I don't actually have time for that. It's work, work, work for college fees to pay.'

Stefan nodded at him. He remembered. Matt was always logical and careful. Stefan envied how Matt didn't have to deal with what Stefan was feeling because he has his own goal to lessen time for other things.

'All the best to you, Matt.' He said.

'Thanks,' Matt responded. 'Hey, um... not that I'm being nosy, but what happened back there?'

Stefan wanted to cover his face in embarrassment but he told himself to let it go, and face it. 'Uh... my face happened. Said she couldn't even look at me, because I...' Stefan pursed his lips and kicked the floor. 'Left without saying a word or didn't manage to keep in touch with anyone after that.' He finished.

'Oh... Damn.'

'There's that.' Stefan shrugged.

'In my opinion, that's cruel. I mean, it's Caroline. She cried for a few days when she realized you left. Vampire feelings heightening and all that. But I'm not going to judge you.'

'You just did,' Stefan replied. He wasn't mad, nor was he hurt. He felt just as guilty as he was the moment he saw Caroline. 'But it's okay. I deserve a punishment like this, anyway.'

'You probably do.' Matt told him as he patted Stefan's shoulder. 'But all things end. She's probably looking for you already.'

Stefan felt a bit better talking to him. Although he didn't expect to see him nor did he need someone to talk to, but he was glad that he did both with Matt. But there was one question that popped in his mind.

'You didn't turn into a vampire while I was gone, did you?'

Matt laughed out loud. 'A werewolf, actually.'

Stefan laughed, but Matt just looked at him.

Stefan didn't believe him for a second. He was a Vampire. That concluded him stronger senses, and that included the sense of smell. Matt didn't smell anything like a Werewolf, but a strong men's—probably expensive—perfume. He let Matt continue, stifling a chuckle.

'Another reason for the wolf statue at Tyler's house is that the fact I'm Tyler's friend.'

'Now, that sounds ridiculous.' Stefan wasn't that dumb to know it was a joke. He laughed at Matt who laughed at him.

'Your little vacation turn you gullible? But, yeah, surprisingly enough, I'm still human.' Matt replied. 'Same old Matt... with a haircut.'

'I didn't believe you for a second, Matt. I can smell you.' Stefan grinned.

'Dang it.'

'It's good to see you, Matt.'

'Good to see you, too, Stefan.'

'I'll just go and find Caroline now. Don't wanna leave her alone again. We'll catch up once we get a get together, something Caroline would probably plan in a couple of days...' Stefan smiled at him.

'Sure thing. I'll go back inside.' Matt smiled back before walking away and patting him once again on the shoulder.

It was time that Stefan left and ran for Caroline. His first guess was that she'd be in the garden. So, quickly walked back inside the mansion and through the halls where the glass doors to the garden were. Countless of people surrounded him, suffocating him with their mixture of perfumes and hair gel. As he got to the open doors, he walked right out and his nostrils felt better. There weren't as many people as there were inside the house, making it easier for Stefan to look for Caroline.

The view beyond the wide garden was the forest that led to the outer part of Mystic Falls, he guessed. It was pitch dark after the front line trees. But where he was, lamps hung from the mansion's outer walls, brightening up whatever it could onto the garden.

He walked down the short staircase and stepped onto the soft grass. On each side of his view were stone benches. On the left side, the bench was taken by two women who seemed like they were having the time of their lives, laughing pretty loudly. On his right is where Caroline sat, staring blankly ahead at the pitch blackness of the forest, he guessed. He walked over to her, thinking of what to say, but he only felt embarrassed.

As he got closer, Caroline looked at him and Stefan could finally see the truth in her eyes. They were wet from tears, but she wasn't crying. She just looked sad, but surprisingly, she smiled at him. Stefan smiled back before taking a seat next to her who adjusted and nudged over to other side for space. They both looked away immediately.

Then a few minutes of silence was let to pass by, just staring at the empty forest. Stefan remembered when Caroline was just a newborn vampire. The first few days of animal hunting training at the same forest and he thought at the time that she was the strongest newborn he's ever known. No one could have full control over their bloodlust after just one kill. She turned out just fine, as he expected, because she was sitting right next to him just as fine as she was when he last looked at her before he left.

'Hey…' Stefan finally said, breaking the silence.

'Hey…' Caroline repeated, sniffling. 'I, uh… I'm sorry about earlier.'

'No, it's okay. I deserved it.' Stefan gave her a reassuring smile, because all in all, it was the truth.

'I just got ticked off, you know? Everything that I've been holding inside just suddenly burst and I got bitter and I'm sorry, Stefan.' Caroline pleaded for his forgiveness. Stefan hated the fact that she was doing so. None of this was Caroline's fault. So, he cupped her face with his hands.

'Listen, it's okay. You were right. I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry. And I don't know how I'm supposed to prove to you how sorry I am, just know that I'm really glad to see you again.' Stefan said, looking into Caroline's eyes.

Caroline laughed between her sniffles. 'I'm sorry for being sorry.' She said as she pulled Stefan into a hug. 'I just shouldn't have yelled at you like that.'

Stefan hugged her back. 'It was selfish of me. Stop…'

Stefan felt Caroline's head nodding into his shoulder. They hold onto each other for a few more seconds until he let Caroline let go.

'So, are we going to sit around and cry all day or…' Caroline asked him, wiping her eyes with a tissue she took out from her purse.

Stefan exhaled loudly through his nostrils. 'Why don't you decide?' He leaned back on the bench with his hands behind him planted on it.

'I don't know… Um… How was Australia?'

'Hm… There aren't exactly as many koalas roaming about as they say there are. And I couldn't find Nemo. All of them were imposters. None of them had the signature fin.'

Caroline giggled.

'But in all seriousness, the whole country's great. It's small, but… it's something. You would've loved it there.'

Caroline nodded. 'They say animals in Australia are like, ten times larger than it is in other places.'

Stefan tilted his head in thought. 'Hmm… Well, there was a Goanna.'

'Goanna?'

'Basically, it's a huge lizard and can grow about the size of a man's arm—'

'Oh god, no. No, no, no,' Caroline's grimaced at Stefan's description. 'A huge lizard?'

Stefan chuckled. 'Yes.'

'Ew, Stefan.' Caroline's face scrunched up and her shoulders raised as her neck sunk in disgust. There were two different sides of Caroline. One was a girl, the other a woman. This was the girl. He made sure he didn't forget that when he was gone.

'But enough about me. Tell me what you did when I was gone. I know you didn't have as much fun.' Stefan teased which Caroline immediately slaps his arm as she bit her bottom lip.

'Excuse you, Stefan Salvatore. I managed pretty much every event in town. I still don't know why I'm still not getting paid for this, but anyway-oh! I can't believe I've forgotten already. Guess who won Miss Mystic this year?'

'You?'

'No!' She playfully slapped his shoulder. 'Stefan, I already won last year.' Caroline sulked. Stefan felt guilty for his forgetfulness. 'April!'

'April? As in, Jeremy's April?'

'Yes! I'm so happy for her.'

'How'd you do on stage?'

'I didn't mess up a tiny bit!'

Stefan clapped. 'Clumsy Caroline isn't so clumsy anymore.'

'Thank you, thank you.' Caroline bowed 20 degrees towards Stefan. 'Oh, and a witch came to visit Mystic Falls. Did you hear about that?'

This was the first time Stefan heard about a new witch visiting. Usually when a visitor comes to Mystic Falls, they never leave without causing any sort of Supernatural trouble. He hoped it wasn't anything bad.

'No…' Stefan shook his head.

'I slept with him.'

Stefan was taken aback at the quick response that he didn't notice his eyebrow was raised. He didn't exactly know what to feel but he felt this weird sensation that it was worse than bad, but he let it go because he was happy for her. 'That's great. Who was he?'

'His name's Jacob. He's so attractive, but he had to leave again which sucked. He just came around for summer since his parents wanted a different place to stay for vacation and he somehow ended up here. Summer fling, and all that.'

Stefan forced a smile. 'Oh, that's nice. I mean, I don't know why I haven't heard about him but okay—'

'I was mad at you. Why would've I bothered?' Caroline laughed. 'And don't think I don't notice that face.'

'What face?'

'You look so bored.'

'I… No. I just didn't want to imagine you… in… um…' Stefan didn't know what to say. He thought that if he said one more word about it he was going to speak gibberish.

Caroline burst in laughter. 'Gross, Stefan. It was a joke. No one ever comes and goes through Mystic Falls without actually leaving such an _obvious_ mark, you know that.'

'Ah, right…' Stefan chuckled to himself at how worried he got. 'I… yeah.' He laughed along with her. The atmosphere has lightened a lot more than 15 minutes ago, and he was glad.

When they stopped laughing, they both smiled at the garden laid before them. And then, Stefan could hear sniffles coming from his left. It was Caroline.

He knew what it meant. He put his hand on Caroline's back. 'I've been visiting Elena the whole time you were gone,' she murmured. 'In hopes of her waking up.'

Feelings of despair once again hit Stefan. He wanted to her stop talking but he couldn't say it. To him, there was always a way. That's what Elena always told him whenever they thought there was no choice left at all and that's what he's been holding onto this whole time.

'It's okay. There's… There's hope, Caroline. Didn't she always remind us of that? She'll wake up…'

Caroline said nothing. She just looked down. Stefan then remembered the present he was supposed to give Caroline earlier.

'Um, I forgot. I got this for you.' Stefan reached into his jacket pocket for the small box. He opened it and took out the silver necklace. It had a flat silver carved fish hook for the pendant. 'It's a _Hei Matau_. It originates from a Maori legend in New Zealand. Long story short, it represents strength and luck.'

He waited for Caroline's smile to spread across her face but the suspicious look didn't change. 'Strength?'

'I think of you as the strongest person I know and I thought it'd be perfect for you.' Stefan put his elbow on his knee with the necklace dangling from his hand.

'W-Wait. Why?'

'Why, what?'

'You bought me a necklace.'

Stefan couldn't read her expression and what she meant by her question. 'I was actually thinking of getting you a Quokka plushie because they seemed just like you but—'

'No, no. I mean…' Caroline sighed with her eyes closed. 'Forget what I just said. Thank you. I appreciate it.' She said.

Stefan was confused at how Caroline was acting. Did he forget that Caroline suddenly didn't like gifts or something? So, he asked, 'Is there something wrong? I mean, if you don't like it, I can keep it.' Stefan felt disappointed in himself. He was about to put the fish hook necklace back into the box when Caroline stopped him.

'No. No, I love it, Stefan. I mean, yes… You can put it on.' Her hand was on Stefan's wrist and he was surprised at the gesture. He eventually accepted her compliment when Caroline turned her back on him so he could put it on.

'Can you just put the pendant, though? I mean… Don't want to wear double necklaces in this beautiful dress which I should be showing off inside but…'

'I got you, Caroline.' Stefan reassured her in between his exhale. He unlocked the Hei Matau's necklace before sliding the pendant down to his hand. After he dropped the necklace back into its box, he unlocked Caroline's necklace with the pendant held into his fist. He then slipped the fish book's hole into her necklace before locking it again and shaking it so the pendant would slide down onto between her collar bones.

Quickly, Caroline turned towards him with her hand on the new pendant next to the heart. She carefully looked at them and finally, the smile Stefan had been waiting for showed.

'It's beautiful. Thank you.' Caroline repeated, sincerity in her voice.

'You're welcome.' He said.

Caroline's face turned to look at him, as Stefan's eyes locked into hers. She was truly happy at the present and Stefan was really glad. A second passed by when Caroline's face moved closer into his and vice versa, and then, their lips touched.

Thoughts suddenly rivaled in his mind. Guilt and the feeling of how wrong it was rushed into his brain and chest. Truthfully, he didn't know what was happening but he knew that he should pull away, in which he quickly did. He looked at Caroline and Caroline's face was pulled back as much as his was. Her eyes widened in surprise in what she and Stefan had just done. Stefan felt he had the same expression on his face.

'Oh my god.' Caroline covered her mouth with both of her hands. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I… I'm so sorry.'

'Yeah, I… I'm sorry, as well. This is so wrong.' Stefan felt that his cheeks were heating up. This was his best friend. His girlfriend is in a coma. What is he doing?

'Yeah, I—I need some air. I love the necklace. I… Bye.' The speed of Caroline's speech fastened in what he guessed was nervousness and she was already on her feet fast walking back into the house in which Stefan in turn just sat and stared blankly into the garden with his face flushed in surprise and guilt.

What just happened, he still couldn't comprehend. It was one thing after the next. He came back just to say hi. He came back because he decided it was better to stop drowning in his loneliness. He came back because he missed everyone. This was his best friend he just kissed. His girlfriend was in a coma. As reluctant he is to admit it, he didn't even know if she was ever going to wake up.

He thought about how pathetic he was and it sickened him.

**4**

The sound of his phone's ringtone broke Stefan's nap. He woke up irritated. Stefan was miserable and all he wanted to do was eat, and eat, and eat. His nap was the only thing to actually stop him from running outside and killing.

He was back at the Salvatore house, and Damon has been trying to keep him stable with his endless supply of blood bags. To Damon's surprise, Stefan was cooperating with it.

When he reached for his phone in his pocket, he looked at the caller. Damon.

'What?' Stefan answered.

'I need you.' Damon's voice was tired, it almost sounded like he was groaning.

Stefan bolted upwards on the living room couch and sat on the proper edge of the chair eager to know what was going on the other side of the phone. 'What's up?'

'It's dark. I'm lonely. Help me.'

'Where are you, Damon?' Stefan was already standing up and walking towards the main door to head out.

'Mystic Grill… I need a drinking buddy. Please, come to me.'

Stefan sighed. He was woken up by Damon because he was lonely at the bar. Stefan rolled his eyes as he sat back down on the couch. 'Are you serious?'

'Why wouldn't I? Meet me. I'm miserable.'

'Not in the mood. Let me sleep.' Stefan reasoned.

'No, you're miserable. You need this. I need this. Don't be a whiny bitch.'

Damon's manners didn't surprise Stefan but he felt annoyed at how demanding his older brother was. Stefan wanted to hang up so badly but his thirst was killing him enough to bother with his sleepiness, so he decided to go for distraction.

'I'll see you in ten.' Stefan replied as he leaned back on the couch before scratching his eyes awake.

When Stefan arrived at the Mystic Grill his eyes darted towards Damon's car parked by the front of the restaurant. He was all readied and his teeth brushed before he left the house and as he walked inside the entrance of the restaurant he spotted Damon at the bar. Surprisingly, Matt wasn't on his shift because he found him nowhere around the restaurant when he walked over to Damon.

As Stefan sat on the free seat next to Damon he noticed Damon's not-so-miserable face. Damon had lied about being miserable, because he looked, and acted, perfectly fine. He didn't even have a drinking glass in front of him.

'What is it that you so desperately needed me as your drinking buddy this time?' Stefan asked his brother as a complaint.

'I'm not.'

'I figured. I still asked, anyway.'

'Mhm,' Damon gave his younger brother a smirk. 'How's Caroline?'

'What about her?'

Damon turned to look at the bartender who has been wiping glass mugs for the past minute. 'Hey, a beer for this guy right here,' when Damon turned to Stefan again, he continued. 'You've been really pissed off about everything for the past two weeks. Figured it had something to do with her, if not Elena.'

Stefan pursed his lips. 'Pissed off about everything?'

'You know… _Oh, the universe hates me. Why does it have to happen to me_?' Damon's voice turned up in a high pitch as mock towards Stefan.

'First of all, I don't sound like that. And second, it's none of your business.'

'Come on, help a brother out. We haven't properly spoken to each other for weeks. I have my problems, too, which I probably would find comfort in eating innocent people… instead of beer… and Blonde girls.'

Damon's jokes were almost too terrible to even consider smiling for.

'Yeah, I still don't see the point…'

'Usually, little miss Blondie would be swooping you off your feet when you're being emo-Stefan, which she isn't, so obviously that's not exactly very healthy in the house of Salvatore because I can't have you moping around in our house with your tears.'

Luke, the bartender, Stefan just read his nametag, placed the glass of beer in front of him. Stefan didn't bother touching it.

'We share the house, I have the right.'

'So, you are emo-Stefan because of little miss Blondie.'

Stefan sighed at his brother's never ending pestering. 'That's not the point. But I already feel like you aren't going to stop pestering me, then fine. We kissed.'

'Finally!' Damon rolled his eyes as he threw his hands up in the air. 'What the hell?'

'I've been avoiding her for the past two weeks but that's the least of my problems right now.'

'Yeah, well, gloating in your sadness about Elena isn't going to help either.'

'Technically, that doesn't apply. I know that she'll know wake up eventually,' Stefan shrugged as he looked at his untouched cup. 'We'll just have to wait.'

Damon looked down in mere curiosity that his eyes widened. 'You kissed little miss Blondie, though.'

'Her name's Caroline. And I'd rather you not repeating it as I already feel pathetic as it is.'

'And this is why I called you here. You are a pathetic little boy who needs his big brother's help.'

Stefan looked at him, dazed. 'I don't know what you're talking about. I'm perfectly fine…' He paused, before continuing. 'Apart from the fact that everyone's still waiting for Elena to wake up which has been a pain for the past 14 months.'

Damon raised his hands in a shrug. 'See? That's your problem right there.'

'What?'

'Elena's dead. Stop.' Damon looked at Stefan straight in the eyes, as serious as he can look.

Anger was starting to rise inside Stefan. He didn't understand why Damon had kept persisting for the past few days that Elena was a lost cause. It was insensitive that it pissed Stefan off.

Stefan just shook his head at the counter, already figuring out the real reason why Damon wanted him there. 'Right. Is this why you called me here?'

'Sorta. I also kind of missed you, so…'

Luke, the bartender, Stefan just read his nametag, nodded at Damon and turned around to look for the bottle.

'What's your problem?' Stefan finally asked what he's been wanting to ask Damon since the second time Damon had repeated about Elena's "true" condition. This was the fourth.

'What's my problem?'

'You keep talking about Elena being a lost cause… Why? Have you given up on her?'

Damon shrugged without looking at Stefan.

'She would've done the same for you.' Stefan added.

Damon sighed. 'There's no point in holding onto false hope, Stefan. It's been a year, plus two months. We've tried everything. She's practically dead.'

'Then we keep trying.'

Damon finally looked at Stefan as if he was annoyed out of his mind. Stefan felt just as angry but there was no point in lashing out.

'Are you purposely trying to deny that fact or are you really that blind? Accept it. All Jeremy has to do is cut off the life support and—' Damon couldn't finish when the anger turned into rage for Stefan. He's had enough of it. The glass of beer in front of him was found by Stefan's hand and in a second the glass shattered right behind Damon when Stefan threw it, the smell of alcohol spreading around them.

'Screw yourself, Damon.'

'No, wait… Stefan!'

Stefan didn't bother turning around when Damon called for him. He wasn't going to take anymore of Damon's useless badgering about moving on, because he wasn't. He was willing to hold onto that hope of Elena ever waking up, because he knew that if the roles were switched, Elena would've done the same for him.

To his annoyance, Damon ran in such a speed in front of him as soon as he stepped out of the restaurant's exit.

'Get out of my way, Damon.'

'Jeremy's already done it.' Damon blurted out, his eyes suddenly sympathetic. And then it dawned on Stefan what was truly happening. His heart starting to race.

'No. No, no, no, no.'

At that rate, he felt like he needed to take it out on someone. He wanted to kill them, and he tried so hard to fight the strong urge to get Jeremy's face out of his head while he thought of such a thing. Hatred wasn't something Stefan wanted to hold towards the boy, but what he was feeling was closest to it at that moment.

'When did he do it? Why didn't you tell me!?'

They reached Stefan's car. The whole time, Damon chased after him grasping onto his brother's arm every now and then to which Stefan just pushed them away. Panic and pain and betrayal rushed through his chest.

Damon followed after him next to the driver's seat. 'Calm down, Stefan—'

'I can't calm down, Damon! How the hell do you expect me to react, I—' Stefan punched the steering wheel when the engine wouldn't start as quick as he wanted. 'Start, God damn it!'

He wanted to go to the hospital, to see Elena, to reason with Jeremy, and to at least say his goodbyes because they owed him at least that much. But they cut her out from life just like that, without telling him, and it made him frustrated and depressed all at the same time.

The drive to the hospital was the longest trip he's ever had. He tried to not crash any car that were in his way from what little patience he had left.

Damon yelled at Stefan the whole trip, persisting that Stefan wasn't allowed inside the hospital. 'You can't. Stefan, stop!'

'I need to see her, Damon!' Stefan finally yelled back at him as soon as he got out of the car and hurriedly walked through the entrance of the hospital. The once lonely feeling of the hospital turned into something terrible inside him. As if he's hated this place all his life, that there was never hope inside.

He couldn't control himself. All he wanted was to go straight to Elena's room, to hold her hand, and he wasn't going to stop at anything.

'Stefan, you aren't allowed to go see her!' Damon ran past Stefan to push him backwards. Stefan growled at his brother as he felt his teeth pushing outwards through his canine gums.

'Damon, please! Get out of the way!' Stefan yelled. The nurses and doctors, and other visitors of the hospital stared at them. Stefan almost didn't notice from his extreme need to see Elena one last time.

'No, she's not here anymore, Stefan. Please.' Damon's arms found Stefan's whole body, constricting him to the place.

The beep of the elevator rang through Stefan's ears. Jeremy, Caroline and Bonnie walked out of it and Stefan restrained himself on hurting Jeremy.

'Jeremy… Jeremy, please…' His eyes started to blur, and he noticed there were tears pouring out. He couldn't hold it in anymore. His chest almost felt like a heavy weight was pierced through his chest that was pulling him downwards.

Jeremy's eyes were red from tears, and so were Bonnie's and Caroline's. At the same time, he was glad that Damon was holding him from pouncing towards them.

When he reluctantly looked at Caroline, their eyes locked. Immediately, Caroline started to sob as she covered her mouth with her hands. She was looking at him in pity, and he hated it.

'Why did you—Why did you let Jeremy… Jeremy, why?' Stefan was already bawling. His breathing started to suffocate him the more he spoke.

'Shh… Stefan…' Damon whispered into Stefan's ear as he tightened his grip around Stefan's body.

Jeremy looked down and he shook his head. Bonnie then hugged him. Looking at them used to make Stefan feel happy, but it now seemed like there was no hope in them.

Stefan coughed between his sobs, and stopped fighting. It was over. It was done. There was nothing he could've done. He sat on the cold floor on his knees as he headed for the wall next to him. He rested his forehead on it as memories of Elena's face on him.

There was nothing more in the world that he wanted more than to hold her in his arms again. The time when he came to visit Elena the day before the accident, and she wrapped his arms around his neck as she kissed him. Happiness filled his whole being then. How could he have known that the next day would be her last? He felt regret hit him hard inside his chest, and he tried to breathe between his cries.

For a year, it never dawned on him that it was time given to Stefan to bid his goodbye. He wanted to call it opportunity, but he only thought of it as misfortune for a closure.

He missed Elena's smile. He missed her beautiful, beautiful body onto his. He missed her embrace whenever they saw each other. He missed the touch of her lips onto his. He missed the way Elena loved him, as he loved her back. He missed everything about her, and he missed how she gave him hope, and now there was none.

And for some reason, he wasn't angry anymore. All this time he realized how unrealistic he's become, and Jeremy wouldn't have let Elena go if there was any chance for her waking up again. He's been putting Elena in so much pain as she lied there for a year, that now, it was time for him to let her go.

It hurt him, more than he could ever imagine.

Suddenly, a pair of arms gently wrapped around Stefan's shoulders. He looked at the person kneeling next to him, and it was Caroline. Oh, how much he realized he needed his best friend all this time. He wanted to wrap his arms around her as they both cried, and Caroline gave that opportunity.

'It's okay, Stefan…'

Stefan felt helpless on the floor with his head buried into Caroline's shoulder. 'No… It's not… She's gone…'

Caroline just nodded. He felt his own shoulder getting wet from Caroline's tears, and he knew that she accepted it wasn't okay.

'Stefan, stop!'

'Go away, Caroline!' Stefan voice was like a wolf's. The pain and guilt were devouring his senses. It was as if his taste buds only existed to consume human blood.

'You're out of control, Stefan!' Caroline pounced onto Stefan's back to pull him away from the already stinking corpse on the forest ground.

The cravings to finish the blood off of the corpse increased even more as he got further away from it. His anger has risen to a height that he could crack Caroline's neck then and there, but what's left of his humanity stopped him from doing so.

'I don't need anyone to tell me what to do! I've had enough of Lexi last time, I don't need another one of you.' He murmured.

The expression on Caroline's face changed at the mention of Lexi. She tilted her head to the right for a second when she scoffed. In a split second, Stefan's neck was tight from Caroline's grip and his back stung as the hold pushed him greatly into a tree bark. The veins under Caroline's eyes popped out like roots as she hissed at him, her white canines appearing that hasn't for a while.

'Damon cares for you. _I_ care for you enough to not let you go on like this,' she screamed at his face. Her patience disappeared in a snap. Stefan didn't know what to feel with Caroline at his face like this in so much anger. 'Lexi spent fifty years working her butt off for you! I'm suffering just as much as you are, Stefan, so I'm here for you as you were for me. Let. Me. Help. _You_!'

Stefan scoffed. His face was smug. He didn't care on becoming better anymore. He used his strength to shove Caroline away before walking away with blood still dripping from his chin.

'Stefan!' Caroline called.

The risen annoyance got the best of him. He turned around to raise an eyebrow at her to hear what else she'd have to say. He could tell Caroline was furious that he was acting this way, but he knew that he was just as furious at her.

'Don't walk away from me—'

'When are you two going to stop? I don't want to be fixed, Caroline!' Stefan flailed his arms around his head when he said "fix", 'Breaking news, I'm a vampire.'

He paused to exhale before continuing. He tried to contain punching something, because even through all of this, Caroline was still his best friend. All she wanted was to calm him down, but he just couldn't.

'Elena's dead… She's dead…' He inhaled deeply as he looked down, trying to stop the tears for the second time that way, as if looking down in the darkness was the solution. Then he noticed his funeral suit was covered in blood.

Caroline already knew that there was no need to hide, because she was already cupping Stefan's face with her soft hands.

'I know… Stefan. I know. I miss her, too… So much. But this, killing innocent people just so they can feel your pain? It isn't the solution.' She stomped on the ground in annoyance. 'You of all people should know that.'

'But there's no… I can't…' Stefan shook his head, Caroline's hands grazing his cheeks.

'Yes, you _can_. I know you can.'

A few minutes was let pass in silence while the stench of the corpse filled their nostrils. Stefan's tears had already stopped. Realizations rushing through his mind that Caroline was right.

He guessed that she noticed him silently agreeing because she was already smiling at him as she lifted his chin with her hand to level her eyes with his. 'Elena wouldn't want this for you. She'd want you to be happy, Stefan…'

'I hate it that she's gone. I hate that Jeremy has no sister anymore. I hate that he's all alone, and I hate that I can't be there for him as Elena was. I hate that I can't control myself and I hate that Elena's never coming back—'

'I'm here, Stefan. I'm here for you.' Caroline sternly told him, her eyes locked into his. 'I'll be here for you through all this, so, please… Stop…'

He was losing control. He was lost, scared, angry, hungry, and his heart was pounding so hard inside of him. The veins under his eyes stopped fighting, and his teeth didn't pierce through his bottom lip anymore. He wanted to be okay, but he couldn't help not being so.

Caroline's arms slowly found its way around his torso to embrace him, and for the hundredth time, she didn't fail to make him feel safe in the midst of his torment.

**5**

Elias squealed at the sound of the car engine outside. 'Mom's here! Mom's here!'

'Hey, be careful running down the porch!' Stefan warned him as he stood up from the living chair to catch up with the boy who sprinted towards the main door.

The sun blinded Stefan for half a second as soon as he walked out of the door. Caroline's white car drove up just right in front of the garage door next to Stefan's car. Elias jumped in joy when he reached the driver's door. In his hand was a peanut butter jelly sandwich and he waved it in front of the window.

Caroline grinned at him from inside the car and then at Stefan as he got closer. She fidgeted in her seat and stopped the car's engine before pushing her sunglasses upwards. When she finally exited the car, she giggled.

'You've got sugar all over your face, Eli!' She leaned downwards to wipe the jelly off Elias's cheek. When she was done, she stood back up to look at Stefan. 'So, how was it bonding with your uncle, Eli?'

Stefan smiled at her while Elias answered. 'Great! He's been so fun. We had a water fight in the garage and—'

'Technically, we washed your car.' Stefan interrupted him before the boy could say more. Caroline's mouth opened in surprise but she just giggled right after.

'It's okay, I trust you enough to keep quiet when his dad comes back from his trip,' Caroline said before taking the paper bag from the car. 'He never actually lets Elias have that much fun.'

'Yeah, well, that's why I'm here, remember?'

'Yes, that's why you're here.' Caroline smiled at him with the paper bag in her hand and her purse in the other. Stefan's first instinct was to help her with the paper bag while Caroline thanked him.

When they walked back inside the house with Elias in the lead, Caroline said, 'Thanks, by the way…'

'You just thanked me twice.' Stefan replied.

'No, I mean, thank you for taking care of Elias for the past week.'

'Nah, don't mention it. I didn't know I was actually this good with kids…'

Caroline laughed. 'No, really. Thank you. You're always there for me.'

'It's my pleasure.' Stefan gave her a reassuring smile. 'Where do I put this?' He gestured over to the bag he was holding.

'Oh, in the kitchen.'

When they reached the kitchen and Stefan placed the bag on one of the counters, he waited for Caroline to say something with his arms crossed but she was too busy looking inside the fridge.

'So, um, I'll just go, then?' Stefan asked.

'What?' Caroline stood up and looked at Stefan in surprise. 'No. I can't just ask you to come and leave. Have lunch with us. I bought fish and chips!'

'I'm actually not that hungry.'

'I didn't ask you if you were hungry.' Caroline replied and took the paper bag from the counter. Stefan pursed his lips at Caroline's invitation—no, demand. She took out three Styrofoam containers from the bag and placed it around the counter.

'Elias?' Caroline called for her son who was in the living room munching on his sandwich. 'You wanna have some fish and chips?'

'No, I'll eat later. I've had two sandwiches already.' Elias yelled back.

Caroline squinted at Stefan.

'What? He was hungry.' Stefan reasoned.

'I'll just save the other one, then.' Caroline headed back to the refrigerator with one of the Styrofoam containers to store it for Elias. 'God, I'm so hungry, you have no idea.'

'How was work?' Stefan asked.

'Good. My boss actually asked me to take an overtime today but he let me go when I told him my husband's coming home today and we needed a celebration.' Caroline folded the paper bag before putting it on top of the refrigerator.

'He's that shallow?'

'Yeah, he thought he was gone for, like, months, so…'

'Ah.'

'Yep. The other one's yours, by the way.' Caroline darted her eyes toward the Styrofoam container nearest to Stefan. 'Let's go to the dining table.'

'Yeah, sure.' He took the box and followed after Caroline who was holding onto her own container. When they sat and Stefan opened the box, two fish fillet, a pile of fries, a slice of lemon and a group of peas greeted him along with a plastic fork and knife inside its own plastic cover.

'So, how was Elias today?' Caroline asked already chewing her food.

'Let's see… nutcrackers are his specialty, he's amazing at water fights, and he wants a dog.'

'A dog?'

'He saw a German Shepherd on our way to the Mall. He loved it,' Stefan took a bite out of his fry. 'I didn't think he'd love huge dogs.'

'Just like his Dad. Oh my god, I hate German Shepherds, or big dogs in general. They scare the crap out of me.'

Stefan chuckled. 'You mentioned.'

'Let's hope my husband doesn't actually get one for the both of them.'

'So, you wouldn't get a poodle?' Another fry.

'Puppies, maybe.'

'Hm…'

They both focused on their food in front of them. Stefan just munched on his fries in thought about what to talk about, then he remembered his reminiscence earlier.

'Oh, Elias asked me something today.' Stefan said.

'What was it?'

'He asked me what a soulmate was.'

Caroline laughed. 'A soulmate?'

'Mhm. The boy is learning…'

'What did you tell him?'

'For the first time, I had trouble answering his question. I eventually ended up having a moment…'

Caroline laughed again. 'A moment?'

'I was trying to define what it was, alone, right before you called, actually. And he caught me talking to myself.'

'Why the hell were you talking to yourself?' Caroline couldn't stop grinning at Stefan.

'I told you, I was having a moment!' Stefan munched on another fry. 'But let's just say I gave him a perfect description of what a soulmate was.'

'Tell me, I want to know.'

Stefan sighed. 'I told him that it's someone who inspires you to become a better person, and it's someone you… carry with forever.'

Caroline nodded at him impressed. 'Always the cheesy one.'

Stefan smiled confidently. 'Thanks.' And he swallowed another fry.

'Hey, I didn't buy you that just so you can eat the fries. It's called fish and chips for a reason!' Caroline complained.

Stefan raised his eyebrow in how Caroline noticed. 'Let me eat the way I want to eat.'

They both laughed.

By 5pm, Stefan, Caroline and Elias was in the living room watching Animal Planet. He could've gone home an hour ago but Caroline asked him to stay until her husband arrived from the business trip, which was around 5pm, to which Stefan reluctantly agreed.

The show that was playing on Animal Planet was Lone Wolf. Researchers studied about the "myth" of werewolves and the way they travel in packs. Stefan and Caroline just snickered every time the host would hint that they weren't real. Eventually, Elias asked them why they were laughing and Caroline told him that the, 'Researchers don't know what they're talking about.' To which Elias just nodded at.

Then, the sound of a car engine emitted from outside Caroline's porch. Mother and son immediately stood up at the noise to see who it was and a smile quickly spread across their faces.

'It's Dad, he's back.' Caroline told Elias who squealed once again in excitement towards the door. Stefan followed after them slowly with his hands in his pockets.

When they got out at the porch, Elias was let running towards his father's black matte car. 'Dad, dad!'

Caroline's husband parked the car just in front of the garden since there wasn't much space for his near the garage. When he exited the car, Stefan gave him a wave.

'Hey, Eli!' He carried his son and threw up in the air to catch him as Elias laughed in glee. 'I missed you, you little rascal.'

'I missed you, too, Dad. Did you get me something?'

'I sure did. Come here…' He placed Elias back down on the ground. He walked towards the backseat of the car and opened it. The sound of a bark echoed through their front garden. It made Stefan look at Caroline in surprise but Caroline's eyes already widened in disbelief.

'Please, don't tell me what I think it is.' Caroline said as she closed her eyes.

'Come here, boy!' Caroline's husband whistled and pulled the leash outwards. It was a Chow Chow. Elias' face brightened as soon as the dog stepped out of the car.

'Oh my god, it's a freaking bear.' Caroline whined with her face scrunched up.

Stefan chuckled. 'That is amazing.'

'Caroline, Stefan! Come over here!' Caroline's husband called for them.

They both followed. Stefan could tell Caroline wasn't exactly excited about the dog.

'You got him a dog?' Caroline asked her husband who kneeled next to the calm dog to pet him.

'This here's Clara.'

'Clara, I love you!' Elias threw his arms around the dog who accepted it by licking his face.

'She likes you already, Eli…' Caroline's husband said.

Caroline grimaced at the sight so she hugged her husband instead. 'Hey, I missed you.' She said before kissing him. Stefan quickly looked away as he cringed.

'I missed you, too, beautiful.'

This was what Stefan was dreading. It was the reason why he wanted to leave before her husband arrived, but he didn't want to be rude.

When Caroline and her husband stopped hogging each other, Stefan gave him a handshake.

'Hey, it's good to see you.' Stefan agreed.

'The same to you. I heard you've been keeping Caroline and my son company while I was away and for that I thank you.' He bowed ridiculously as Caroline slapped his shoulder playfully while she laughed.

'It's my pleasure.' Stefan raised his eyebrows at the gesture but he smiled, anyway. 'How was the trip?'

'It was okay, I just wished I had _Caroline,_' he looked at Caroline suggestively, 'there with me to see the Eiffel Tower.'

Caroline smiled shyly but stopped when she realized Stefan was watching them. Truthfully, Stefan was happy for them.

Stefan gave him a chuckle. 'That's good to hear. Well, I'll get going then. I just stayed because Caroline asked, so, we'll catch up soon?'

'Why don't you stay for dinner?' Caroline asked him.

'No, I already stayed for the whole week. I don't want to interrupt such a family reunion, but thank you.' Stefan smiled. 'That's a beautiful dog, by the way.' He added as he looked at Caroline's husband.

'Thank you. If you want, I'll let her stay with you sometime.'

'Sure. I'm actually getting a dog of my own but that'd be great.' Stefan grinned.

'Bye, Stefan!' Elias said when he wrapped his tiny arms around Stefan's hips. 'I'll see you soon.'

Stefan laughed at the sight of the boy below him. 'I'll see you soon, buddy.'

The boy then directed his attention towards Clara who was let go by his father. When Stefan was about to nod at the couple, Caroline gave him a hug.

'Thank you so much, Stefan. I really appreciate you coming over.'

Stefan hugged her back. 'If you need anything, just ask.'

'I will.' Caroline let go. Then her husband put out his arm for another handshake which Stefan accepted.

'Thank you, Stefan.'

'Thank you.'

When they bid their goodbyes, Stefan nodded at them and walked towards his car next to Caroline's. He didn't exactly want to leave, he just didn't want to cringe every time Caroline and her husband go mushy towards each other. It's not that he isn't happy, but watching Caroline do that was different, and he didn't exactly know why.

When he sat inside the car he waved at the trio by the window. Before he drove off the platform he gave Caroline one last look. Between her collar bones, was the necklace he gave her eight years ago.

Then, he called it a day.


End file.
